The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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