Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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