i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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