i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
