Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
