he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
