I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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