he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize