shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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