Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My hand turned me down
I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
