I faked an abortion last night.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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