Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
