she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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