Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
even my farts smell like vagina
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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