the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
