Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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