What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
