I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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