I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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