When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
