so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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