I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
