worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
