He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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