Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
