Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
