i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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