mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
