Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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