my vag is so smooth its legendary
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
