I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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