if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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