i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
