good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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