1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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