my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I want a musical about memes.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
