Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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