On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Randomize
