At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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