i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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