Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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