I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize