i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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