someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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