I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
