yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
