Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
