So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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