I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
well you can't waste a boner
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
