Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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