So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
