thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
