You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
where does the pee come out of this thing
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
