How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
