she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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