Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
